Wednesday, September 21, 2011

working with twins

I plan to go back to work after the boys are born. I have a few months of prep when I come back before I can move into a full time trainer role. Once in that role my schedule should be fabulous. I will train full days about 8-10 days a month and the rest of the time I will work from home or in the office as my schedule suits me. I'll actually make more money than I currently do while working far less hours. SHWEET!
Meanwhile, my husband will likely be working for the same company as me and will work as a contractor who can set his own hours. This means we can both make our schedules fairly flexible.
How this will all work, I have no idea.

Literally, I have no idea how to juggle two babies and two careers. I have this really fuzzy idea that maybe Doug will be home in the mornings and then we will hire someone in the late morning till early afternoon and then I'll come home by 2pm or 3pm. But I have no idea and I don't have any people to look to as examples. All the twin moms I know (uh, that being 2 people) are stay-at-home moms. And I'd go surfing the web for someone to learn from but I know in the end it would just be different. It seems like every situation is different.

I've thought about this many many many times. As my maternity leave veers closer I've tried to come up with an exact plan to give my employer so I can ease their nerves about my short departure. However, this is hard to do with my limited knowledge of what its like to, you know, have two babies living in my house.

What's worse is that I get a lot of grief from people about returning to work with TWO babies at home. Like, maybe it would be okay if I just had one but TWO is just an outrage.

For example, this morning I was at the dentist office (perfect bill of health btw - super proud of that because I haven't been in 2.5 years and I work hard to take good care of my teeth... but I digress). The dental assistant was asking me about if I'll go back to work and I said that yes I would. She asked if I would be moving to part time and I said that no, I wouldn't. She looked confused, as if this was a math equation and I was telling her that 1+1= 3 (which in my case it does... get it? cause twins... ok lame. sorry) Anyway, she asked if my husband was going to stay at home and I said that he would also be working full time. I told her that we have fairly flexible schedules and we will also likely hire someone for a few hours each day. She sorta looked at me incredulously.

Now this may very well be because I live in Provo of all places, where working mothers is a complete anomaly (see this article here) but I find it frustrating that women aren't saying, "More power to you - you are the wave of the future of American families," instead of, "Satanist heathen woman who sacrifices her children for her own priorities."

Ok. Maybe they don't say that exactly. They probably don't even think that at all actually but it makes for a better story this way.


ha. Now that'd be a great story.

I'm really getting off-track here. Aaaaanyway

the lady tried to schedule my next cleaning for 6 months. She asked if the same time was going to work for me. I had absolutely no idea. She asked what day of the week would work best.



I don't know.

And that's when I realized that I truly have no idea what my life will look like in 6 months from now. I don't think that has really ever happened to me. I'm such a planner. Like, I make plans even when I am fairly certain that they will never happen. Plans help me feel secure and in control and I have 100 different plans for all the different variables at any given time.

But now

I can't really do that anymore. In fact, this whole thing (pregnant with twins) has completely screwed up all my plans. And then planning for the next 6 months? I wouldn't even know where to begin. I figure I need to sorta feel it out for a bit after they are born in order to come up with a plan that seems like it would work. And then even after that I'll have to adjust it again once I move into the training role.

I know it will all work out. I know it's all in God's plans even if it's not in mine.

I mean, people do this all the time. People juggle kids and careers and marriages and life and they make it work.

And I'm a person. And I'm married to a person. Well actually I'm married to a saint. So one person + one saint = doable work/babies life.


p.s. The picture up top is a translator for the European Parliament. Isn't that just inspiring?


Rachel said...

It is kind of scary to not know what to expect. Even though I had planned all along on staying home with Forrest, it was still so much different than I expected. I know you're not asking for advice, so hopefully it's not obnoxious that I'm giving it, but I'm doing it anyway because I really wish someone had said this to me: just let things happen. They'll work out fine. You can plan all you want, and it'll probably turn out different than how you planned it anyway, and then you'll be frustrated that it's not going according to plan, so just let things fall into place and try to do what's best for your family. As long as you and Doug and the babies are all happy, that's all that really matters.

Nat said...

Yeah, my return-to-work plan COMPLETELY changed once I actually had Bennett. You're right - there's just no way to really know for sure what will work until the babies are here and you have a better idea of what your life is like. Thankfully I have a great boss who has been willing to work with me so that I can set my own hours. Sounds like you have a good employer too so that makes all the difference. Good luck with that, try not to stress too much (pot calling the kettle black). And yeah, I understand the whole "disdain" toward young working mothers - usually when people find out that I returned to work they give me this look of pity and are so gracious and sympathetic. . .until they find out I returned to work out of choice, not need. Then their attitude changes. Pffft.

Heidi said...

One thing I have experienced over the last year is that I read more into comments people make then they probably actually mean - I think I do this out of a sense of personal guilt about working, or staying home, or discipline, or whatever the issue is. I don't think that people are as judgmental as I feel from them - but it just exaggerates my personal judgement of myself. PS If you have to come North you can drop both babies at my house :)

Betsy Hite Reddoch said...

A little late to the party on this one (congrats on your beautiful boys!), but as a working mom of twins I feel like I have to chime in.

My family is breaking the mold for sure. I work full time - one day a week in the office, and the rest of the time at home. I work when my husband is home with our twin boys, when the kids are sleeping, and when we have a babysitter come a few times a week. I somehow fit it all in. My husband is in his last year of grad school and bears a lot of the childcare burden, but his "flexible" schedule really really helps.

Being LDS for sure puts an interesting spin on being a working mom, but I actually think I am better for it. I'm sure the culture is different up in Utah vs here in California, which is tough I'm sure. Regardless, I'm happy that you are creating a fulfilling life for you and your cute family.

Good luck with your boys! And with your work. You can do it, supermom!

Desta B(e) Golden said...

First, Congratulations on your babies! Second, I love this post. The ideas here really resonated with me as a fellow career-oriented planner who is stoked about having a family. I'm in medical school right now and I know that my dedication, love of the field, and debt accrued will commit me to the work force even after I eventually start a family... and I'm ok with that.
If there is one thing I've learned it's "you can have it all." With some effort and planning and a little luck you can get everything you want out of life. You can have your cake and eat it too. I'm beyond excited to be a doctor... and a mom... I can have it all.