Thursday, May 24, 2012


left - Charleston, middle - hottie face, right - Whitman
Doug's convinced this isn't a great photo of him but I think he is dead wrong. He surprised me with this photo for Mother's Day. :)

Thursday, May 17, 2012

more on the boys

They turned 6 months old last week.


charleston - left, whitman - right

Their latest developments include standing (with support), sitting (with support), crawling (with their heads down, haven't figured out the arms portion of crawling - pretty sure their going to rub a hole in their foreheads) and screeching.

Yes. Screeching.

That'd mostly be Whitman.


Think of the movie Dumb and Dumber and the most annoying sound in the world, and then picture a really cute 6 month old baby doing it repeatedly...and that's life right now. Sometimes really cute. Other times really painful to the ears.

Meanwhile, Charleston has discovered his toes.


And the two of them have taken to "sharing" toys...

whitman - left, charleston - right - looking identical that day

I'm putting together a little photo montage of them over the past 6 months and will post the gross video of them experiencing their first solids...soon.

And while we are on the topic of babies, here are two interesting articles.

This one is about how children develop moral cognitive functions. Brain scientists have found that the average age for full cognitive moral development is between the ages of 7 - 9. (See John Medina's Brain Rules for Baby for further info on the topic). Fascinating!

and This one contends that the key to "success" in adulthood is learning self-control as a child.

And lastly, I had a great mother's day. I was very sick (still have a cough actually) and Doug let me sleep in. We had a little picnic and went for a walk by a creek in the canyon. It was wonderful. I know Mother's Day is an emotional day for many people. I hope you all were able to get through it unscathed. :)


Thursday, May 10, 2012

just stress blabber

This is a blather post. No pictures. No videos. No links.

I'm feeling stressed. We are in the process of selling our house. Its stressful. I love my house. I know a house is a house and I will make the next place just as much as a home to us, but... I'm still sad. And stressed.

Selling our house means finding housing in Austin. This is also stressful. I have no idea where to live. When we've moved in the past it was just me and Doug. No biggie. But now we have a cat and two baby boys and finding the "right" place is a much higher priority than it was in the past. And craigslist is a freaking joke. And trulia isn't giving me much traction either.

And work. Sigh. work. I have no idea. I'm able to pursue training still but the chances of me getting a trainer position are slim to none. There is a large part of that role that I would not enjoy. So maybe its a blessing. I've been trying to dissect exactly what I love about it so that I can find jobs that capitalize on the best parts. But really, I have no idea. I feel this immense pressure to find the "right" job so I can both be available for my boys and be able to provide for all of us. I want to support Doug while he goes to school but I also don't want the entire duration of his graduate program to be a waste of my time/pursuits. And in the meantime, I'm really just putting forth the least amount of effort possible until I'm done here, because really if I'm done here one way or the other, what does busting my butt for the next 2 months get me? I could go the extra mile but instead I'm just at par for the course.

And I feel this real pull for both my career and my family. I never had crazy career aspirations. Not originally. When Doug and I first got married I wanted to find meaningful employment that also allowed me significant time with my family. Then somewhere along the way I got leadership role after leadership role and discovered that I'm not bad at leading. And I liked leading. And then that's all I wanted to do. And suddenly being a lowly adjunct professor at some college came second place to being CEO of a non-profit. Training was really just this thing I loved that would help me get there.

But now I have a family. And I really like them. And I'm not sure that I want to make the sacrifices necessary to attain some CEO position, even though I might like the job. I have no doubt that I could be a CEO. Maybe that's arrogant to say, but I believe that with my drive and the Lord's blessing, I could have just about anything. I really believe that.

And I think thats what stresses me out. I don't know what I want now. This has really NEVER been my problem before.

I know I don't want to be a full time stay-at-home-mom. Most days that I'm home all day with the boys I want to punch myself in the face. Is that bad to say? This isn't a reflection of my love for them. Its just how I feel. But if I'm going to pull myself away from them, I want it to be meaningful and something that I really enjoy. I think that's one of the things that stresses me out about looking for new employment. I've been able to work at a place that I really love for a very long time. I love what we do. I love our material and our research and the value we provide for people. I don't think I can pull myself away from my boys to hock some magic pills or some fertilizer or something. But I don't think I could stay sane not doing something outside the home. So, I need to find a job that is meaningful, has workable hours so I can take care of my boys, and pays enough that I can provide for everyone. 

Right now that combination feels impossible.

Sooooooooooo I bought a dress. A dress for stress.

On a completely separate note, the boys had their first solid food experience last night. Carrots. It was so fun. I will post a video soon. Its both gross and totally endearing. Kinda sums up little boys in general, right? :)

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

movers and shakers

left- whitman, right - charleston on 5.1.12

The boys are learning how to roll over and crawl. (sorta sounds like commands for a dog). Its so cool to see! Last night Charleston rolled over a couple of times in a row and he just had the biggest smile on his face. You could tell he was really proud of himself. Whitman gets really frustrated if he can't get all the way over. He'll grunt and make a really loud moan if he gets stuck on his side. It is very entertaining!

In other news -

My company has decided all of a sudden to continue to let me pursue training.


yeah. Weird. I guess because they couldn't make financial sense of me working remotely in my current position, they decided they didn't want to loose me afterall. So they've decided to let me finish my training to become a facilitator. I still feel a bit gun-shy about the whole thing but grateful nonetheless that I'll get the chance once again to do what I really love.

And in other other news

I'm now done with nursing. Completely. And also, all that breastmilk that I had stored up in the deep freeze?! OH yeah. They've totally burned through all that.


I was feeling really guilty about the whole thing until everyone's comments on some of my previous posts on the topic. So THANK YOU for that. Especially the one from my brilliant friend Aleisha about using the atonement to wash away guilt. Not to get all religious on you but Wow. What a novel idea! I am like a new person now (crazy how the atonement does that).

And especially with my new rigorous training schedule redux, there is no way I could continue to do both. I bombed my last training when I tried.

so yeah. There's that.

oh and lastly, I thought I'd include the awesome picture my husband sent me yesterday when I was at work...

far left - grandpa leigh's legs, left/center - charleston, right - whitman: going for a walk 5.1.12

 That is a picture of the boys wrapped in sweat pants. The text read -

"Uh. Forgot blankets. Using some sweat pants instead."

(Sweat pants, I'm sorry to say, that he found in the car that have been there since our trip to the hospital nearly 6 months ago...slightly embarrassing. And also sweat pants that I"m pretty sure Whitman was trying to eat - yuck!)

This reminds me of the time when I was in my father's care as a young girl and he had bought me pants that were too big. We went to the park and they kept falling down. So my dad got into the trunk of his car and found some stiff rope and fashioned a belt with a GIANT bow to tie/hold my pants up. I wish I had a picture of how ridiculous I looked whenever my dad was taking care of me. :)

There is a certain level of control you just have to let go of when a man is the primary care-giver.

On the other hand, they were dressed and he took them for a walk and kept them warm. I give a hearty thumbs up! He really does do an amazingly great job.

That's all I got for now.

Have a great day!