Well its been a crazy couple of weeks. I flew down to Phoenix almost two weeks ago and spent a few days visiting my favorite little person. My husband and my dad drove down the next day and got to spend some time with her as well. Then we drove back together and toured the Grand Canyon and Zions National Park. We also took a tour of the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Kanab, UT. It was one of the happiest places I've ever been. I'm a huge fan of this non-profit. They do incredible things for animals and the three of us would've been content to stay there forever petting cats and dogs and horses... This past weekend Doug and I flew out to Los Angeles to tour UCLA and USC and to get an idea of what our life will/might/would look like if/when we move out there. Both campuses were incredible and I think we got a good idea of life in LA. I think we both solidified in our mind how much we don't want to move out there BUT I think we will still go if we still feel like its the right thing for our family. So now we are back for the summer and beginning some more craziness. I'm doing my first official training in 3 weeks for work. Doug is beginning a GRE prep course. We are having another yard sale in about two weeks. I've got youth conference and girls camp and our little ward girls camp and we are trying to get a few more house projects finished this summer...all while trying to relax and have an easy, chill summer. Ha! I think I suck at relaxing. I'm going to work on that.
I probably didn't tell you but I'm giving myself a little bit of a break from stuff. What stuff you ask? Well just about every damn thing. I just need some time to calm down from the craziness of my life and get back (or rather find) the pace I want to live it at. so yeah thats the reason for the radio silence this week and maybe next...
I know, right? Where did the time go? Wasn't it just yesterday? And so on and so forth. And you'll probably ask if I can believe it or if it has hit me yet and...
the answer is no.
I know it hasn't. I'm still in the rush of craziness and people arriving for graduation and things at work beginning to take precedence again (arriving at work at 6:15 am this morning for example).
Maybe it will tomorrow when I walk across that stage.
I got my grades back today. I had low expectations because it was all I could do just to get through the semester. That, and I went to school full time and worked full time and wrote a thesis and what not so mentally I allowed myself lower grades.
miraculously, I got all A's. That actually makes me incredibly happy for some silly sophomoric reason. And so I will just tell you, because I would never be so brazen as to actually tell someone in person for fear of sounding like a pompous ass, but I will graduate with a 3.9-something. I'm pretty proud of that (not proud enough to actually verbalize it though).
I'm sure it will be June or so before I realize I'm done with school but I am really grateful to be finished with this chapter of my life and on to be moving onto the next one.
I am fascinated by people who have the gumption to streak. There is something inside me that wished I had the strength to do it. And lets be clear - streaking is different than any other type of nudity. I think streaking is entirely done to be funny. This is probably the main reason why I kinda want to do it. Where do you think the funniest places to streak might be? BYU campus? A quiet public library?
I might add streaking to my "To be done sometime in this life" list...
Lately I've been thinking that this blog probably doesn't accurately represent who I am. Its all pretty pictures and lovely little thoughts and then every once in a while some crazy long random post about how I am super stressed and goingoutofmymindcrazy. And I worry about who may or may not read it (though I still think its probably just me reading this but whatever) so I censor myself. You should know - I seldom censor myself in real life. Generally my censor button is broken.
Like the time when I told a story about how I once got stuck in a giant 10ft 300 lb condom to a bunch of innocent mormon 13 year old girls at girl's camp. And then they went home and asked what condoms are to their mothers and everyone probably got all judgemental up on this piece...
Or like when my team bought a tricyle for an under-privileged kid for a Sub-for-Santa thing and I rode it around the office screaming "It's mine now suckers!" and laughing maniacally...
Or like how I cuss a wholehellavalot and do it 99% of the time just for people's reactions (especially my husband's)...
But the truth is I'm not all posies and elegance. I'm one classy dame if I don't know you but the second I can tell we're cool - then you get to know the real me. And unfortunately with this blog, I feel like most of the time our relationship is still in the classy dame range instead of the "just today I discovered that I put my underwear on inside out and had to fix it in the bathroom and completely take off my pants and everything because I have shit for brains right now" stage. (And all of that was true by the way).
Because heres the thing - the number one reason why I censor on this blog is because I worry that if I don't, some power that be will remove me from the leadership position I hold at church and I won't get to work with the young women anymore. OR WORSE that one of my impressionable youth will read this blog and not understand that someone can believe in Christ with all their heart and be a good person and even be a "good" MORMON and still cuss like a pirate and talk about unlady-like topics and all the other things I do. That is a difficult connection to make, especially if you are the child of a strict mormon family being raised in PROVO UTAH of all places. I worry about those things because I don't think I can describe to you how much I love the opportunity I have to work with these girls and how much I truly love them. I love them enough that I censor myself on my own damn blog because of what could maybe happen.
But, I don't think I'm going to anymore. Not because I don't love them but because I'm pretty sure none of them read this thing and also because there really isn't any point to this blog if it doesn't serve as what I want it to serve as. I don't want it to just be a place for pretty pictures and I don't want it to reflect someone that I'm not. I want it to be a place where I can share of myself, and not all the pretty parts of me.
And feel free to judge me. I kinda bask in it now, disapproving looks and thoughts and maybe little comments. Those things just make me smile because I am pretty damn comfortable with who I am, with my religion and what I do and don't believe (because yes, gasp, there are actually teachings in my religion that I don't really buy into and yet I still choose to practice and live the majority of its doctrines) and I'm comfortable with who I am becoming. I like that person.
And those things that I censor are as much of me, the person I enjoy, as anything else.
So maybe consider this a warning -
its about to get uncensored in here. I won't be cursing all the time (because that is not a reflection of who I really am) and I won't be posting nudey pictures or anything (though I don't promise that actually now that I think about that...but nothing pornographic, how about that? because I'm totally going to re-post my old post about streaking that I took down because of my inner appropriateness concern).