Tuesday, March 15, 2011


X relationships. They are... complicated. Ideally we only get really intimate with the person we end up marrying and being with forever. But sometimes that just doesn't happen.
I had a very intense and serious relationship before I got married. He and I still share a very strong connection. Sometimes it bothers me to think that he knows me so well that whenever we talk or see each other that he knows exactly what I'm thinking or why I'm behaving a certain way, etc.
I think about this sometimes with people who get divorced. You were with this person for however many years and they know you. I mean they know you - the naked you. I don't mean physically, though there is that, but I mean they know you behind any facade. I hate feeling vulnerable like that.
But I wonder about friendships with someone like that. On the surface it seems like you could be friends with someone that was obviously your best friend and much more at one point, but I don't know. Is it possible? It feels so...loaded. And I don't mean cordial acquaintances. I think that is certainly possible. I mean actual friends. Friends that know how the other person is doing and generally whats up in their lives. Friends who send each other funny things sometimes or who see each other at least every so often. Is that possible? Its not, right? I don't know. Ugh.
And maybe you're asking yourself, why be friends?
And that's complicated without getting into details that aren't entirely mine to share on this blog, but lets say you think you want to be friends for two reasons:
1. you have something that will make it so that your lives will forever be entwined
2. you were once really good friends and logically you should be able to be friends again

And also please understand, I have a fabulous marriage. I am completely happy in my marriage. I also have a husband who is completely aware of everything and we love and trust each other very much. He has girl friends and likewise I have guy friends. We even hang out with one of my old boyfriends on a semi regular basis and they get along great. Its just that with that guy, we were never very serious. And I am friends with a girl friend of his who knows him very intimately and it doesn't bother me at all. So it makes me think that if its just really casual and the intentions are all good and pure, then maybe it can work? But maybe that's different? I don't know.

This is probably really scattered (like it is in my head) but I just want to know what you think. Can you be friends with an x?


Matisse said...

Shannon Hale wrote a novel called The Actor and the Housewife that's all about this. You should check it out.

Aleisha Z. Coleman said...

i think, sweeping generalization, it is too hard to draw the lines. however, there are exceptions. how is that for a non-committal answer? but, without knowing the details, that is what you get.