Friday, April 8, 2011

lengths i go to not be sick anymore

1. blowing my nose constantly
2. wash hands every hour
3. take cough medicine
4. take airbourne at onset
5. take zicam
6. take several doses of airbourne and zicam for many days
7. put vapor rub on chest
8. drink water every few seconds
9. drink some cleanse crap that made me poo like immediately
10. put my face in steam
11. borrow some oil incense stuff
12. put oily stuff on my body
13. burn oily incense stuff in fancy bong looking contraption
14. google how to hock loogeys
15. practice hocking loogeys
16. hock many loogeys to get crud out of chest
17. miss part of work to try and rest
18. rest under my desk at work when no one is looking
19. pray
20. beg God to make me not sick
21. bargain with God to make me not sick ( i.e. you make me not sick and I will do better about using your name in vain, etc)
22. survey friends and coworkers on crazy sick remedies
23. try crazy said remedies like
24. gargle hot salt water
25. drink water with lots of cayenne pepper
26. crush up sudafed and put it in boiling water with honey
27. lay only on your right side
28. sleep with a humidifier with vapor rub in it
29. not speak for an entire day
30. get a blessing from priesthood holder
31. go to instacare
32. pay $75 effing dollar co-pay at the door to be told its just a virus
33. pay follow up bill of $120 for doctor charges and strep test and healthcare in America is outrageous, and I have insurance

I'm not joking. I've tried everything. So here's to #34

34. blog about it


Leah Stone said...

You need vitamin d supplements. Like 50,000 mg once a week tablet. I got those from my doctor and am way better. You should have called me ;)

Rachel said...

Have you tried coughing/hocking loogeys on other people to rid your body of germs and pass them along? Maybe the little virus germs just need to be passed along to a new host.

Nat said...

Poor thing! I don't know how much medicine you're taking. . .if it's mostly a congestion problem I recommend Tussin or another cough syrup where the main ingredient is guaifanesin. Mike's been really sick for like a month and that's about the only thing that's helped loosen up the mucus. . .about 2T every 4 hours (even if it says every 6 on the box. . .I like to live on the edge like that) Otherwise if it's lots of different symptoms I really like Tylenol Blue, same amounts. Massive amounts of medicine is the only thing that ever makes me feel better.

Anne & Brandon Entsminger said...

Good grief! You paid $120 for a follow up visit with a strep test??? I paid $100 for a first visit and a strep test and that's with no insurance.
Then again, I do live in BV.
Yes vitamin D.

Aleisha Z. Coleman said...

oh, dear--my dear! no fun. not on your list was decrease stress....have you considered that maybe you are keeping in theme with yourself and trying to live 43 lives at once....? not judging, just saying....that i love you and i want you to be as healthy and happy as possible. then, i have my own crazy sick remedies and drugs that i love to, if your still in the mood for sharing:)--but not rachel's kind of sharing--although i did laugh out loud at that one!

Elizabeth said...

You need a vacation!! Should be first on your June to-do list.

Feel better soon, cousin!

Tanya said...

I hear you're going to L.A. Maybe the smog-infested air will choke out the toxins in your body. :-) Get well soon.