Thursday, September 16, 2010

no good disability

So it all begins with last year when I decided on a whim to get the FREE swine flu vaccine. They give it to you in the nose (lean back and let it run down type thing - yes, gross but I was being protected from the supposedly worst virus to hit the world since the BUBONIC PLAGUE!!!). An embarrassingly long amount of time later I realized that I couldn't really smell anything. That was about a year ago. Flash forward to yesterday when I decided, this not smelling thing isn't working for me - maybe I will go get it checked out. So I went to the doctor.
He had me take a smell test with 160 questions because he didn't believe me I guess and 20 questions wouldn't quite confirm his belief. So I took the stupid test. I got 10 questions correct. Now statistics will tell you that just guessing will get you around 25 or so correct. Nope. Not me. I beat the odds.
So the doc tells me that I can't smell. At this point in our conversation I was wondering if maybe I should go to medical school too. I may have only gotten 10 questions correct but the most important one, you know, can I smell? I apparently got that one correct.
Anyway, he gave me a nasal spray thing and told me to give it a month and if it doesn't help then maybe someday my sense of smell will come back just on its own. Also someday maybe you will meet the Tooth Fairy. Maybe. Someday.
What the?
So he also told me the things I need to be careful of are - not smelling eminent danger/death like a gas leak or smoke, or eating something that has gone horribly bad and dying from rot ingestion. I feel so comforted. Not only can I not smell the sweet aroma of Thanksgiving dinner or roses or lemons, but I can't smell smoke if my house or even my body is on fire.
You probably don't understand the gravity of the situation. I now have to check every single day to make sure I didn't step in dog crap. Someday I will have to check our babies diapers, like every hour on the hour, to see if they have crapped themselves. I will have to shower every day because who knows if I could get away without showering? And farting? I have no idea if the silent one I let out is rank and I need to evacuate so as not to be accused as being the culprit.
And do you think they offer scholarships or disability pay for this? Nooooooo. Of course not.
stupid smelly people.
And don't you be thinking you can get away with things around me now because I'm disabled. My other senses are slowly becoming acutely aware and hightened. I HEAR farts and I SEE you squeezing your cheeks together. And of course my doctor wisely informed me that it might come back someday. And don't be thinking I will just tell you. No I will wait till I can call you out on one of your farts.


Aleisha Z. Coleman said...

oh, if i could choose a sense to lose it might be this one....then i might be able to forensic scientist and quit eating....but for you i am sorry:(

Tanya said...

I would be slightly depressed. I pride myself on having the most fantastic sense of smell. One thing you didn't mention that I'd be most concerned about - the joy of smells while cooking/eating. :-( Sorry for your loss.

Elizabeth said...

I am really sorry, I can not imagine. I hope the doctor is right and it does come back some day.