My New FAVORITEST PICTURE EVER

left - Charleston, middle - hottie face, right - Whitman

Doug's convinced this isn't a great photo of him but I think he is dead wrong. He surprised me with this photo for Mother's Day. :)

more on the boys

They turned 6 months old last week.

Crazy.

charleston - left, whitman - right

Their latest developments include standing (with support), sitting (with support), crawling (with their heads down, haven't figured out the arms portion of crawling - pretty sure their going to rub a hole in their foreheads) and screeching.

Yes. Screeching.

That'd mostly be Whitman.

like

Think of the movie Dumb and Dumber and the most annoying sound in the world, and then picture a really cute 6 month old baby doing it repeatedly...and that's life right now. Sometimes really cute. Other times really painful to the ears.

Meanwhile, Charleston has discovered his toes.

5.13

And the two of them have taken to "sharing" toys...

whitman - left, charleston - right - looking identical that day

I'm putting together a little photo montage of them over the past 6 months and will post the gross video of them experiencing their first solids...soon.

And while we are on the topic of babies, here are two interesting articles.

This one is about how children develop moral cognitive functions. Brain scientists have found that the average age for full cognitive moral development is between the ages of 7 - 9. (See John Medina's Brain Rules for Baby for further info on the topic). Fascinating!

and This one contends that the key to "success" in adulthood is learning self-control as a child.


And lastly, I had a great mother's day. I was very sick (still have a cough actually) and Doug let me sleep in. We had a little picnic and went for a walk by a creek in the canyon. It was wonderful. I know Mother's Day is an emotional day for many people. I hope you all were able to get through it unscathed. :)



 

just stress blabber

This is a blather post. No pictures. No videos. No links.

I'm feeling stressed. We are in the process of selling our house. Its stressful. I love my house. I know a house is a house and I will make the next place just as much as a home to us, but... I'm still sad. And stressed.

Selling our house means finding housing in Austin. This is also stressful. I have no idea where to live. When we've moved in the past it was just me and Doug. No biggie. But now we have a cat and two baby boys and finding the "right" place is a much higher priority than it was in the past. And craigslist is a freaking joke. And trulia isn't giving me much traction either.

And work. Sigh. work. I have no idea. I'm able to pursue training still but the chances of me getting a trainer position are slim to none. There is a large part of that role that I would not enjoy. So maybe its a blessing. I've been trying to dissect exactly what I love about it so that I can find jobs that capitalize on the best parts. But really, I have no idea. I feel this immense pressure to find the "right" job so I can both be available for my boys and be able to provide for all of us. I want to support Doug while he goes to school but I also don't want the entire duration of his graduate program to be a waste of my time/pursuits. And in the meantime, I'm really just putting forth the least amount of effort possible until I'm done here, because really if I'm done here one way or the other, what does busting my butt for the next 2 months get me? I could go the extra mile but instead I'm just at par for the course.

And I feel this real pull for both my career and my family. I never had crazy career aspirations. Not originally. When Doug and I first got married I wanted to find meaningful employment that also allowed me significant time with my family. Then somewhere along the way I got leadership role after leadership role and discovered that I'm not bad at leading. And I liked leading. And then that's all I wanted to do. And suddenly being a lowly adjunct professor at some college came second place to being CEO of a non-profit. Training was really just this thing I loved that would help me get there.

But now I have a family. And I really like them. And I'm not sure that I want to make the sacrifices necessary to attain some CEO position, even though I might like the job. I have no doubt that I could be a CEO. Maybe that's arrogant to say, but I believe that with my drive and the Lord's blessing, I could have just about anything. I really believe that.

And I think thats what stresses me out. I don't know what I want now. This has really NEVER been my problem before.

I know I don't want to be a full time stay-at-home-mom. Most days that I'm home all day with the boys I want to punch myself in the face. Is that bad to say? This isn't a reflection of my love for them. Its just how I feel. But if I'm going to pull myself away from them, I want it to be meaningful and something that I really enjoy. I think that's one of the things that stresses me out about looking for new employment. I've been able to work at a place that I really love for a very long time. I love what we do. I love our material and our research and the value we provide for people. I don't think I can pull myself away from my boys to hock some magic pills or some fertilizer or something. But I don't think I could stay sane not doing something outside the home. So, I need to find a job that is meaningful, has workable hours so I can take care of my boys, and pays enough that I can provide for everyone. 

Right now that combination feels impossible.



Sooooooooooo I bought a dress. A dress for stress.


On a completely separate note, the boys had their first solid food experience last night. Carrots. It was so fun. I will post a video soon. Its both gross and totally endearing. Kinda sums up little boys in general, right? :)

movers and shakers

left- whitman, right - charleston on 5.1.12

The boys are learning how to roll over and crawl. (sorta sounds like commands for a dog). Its so cool to see! Last night Charleston rolled over a couple of times in a row and he just had the biggest smile on his face. You could tell he was really proud of himself. Whitman gets really frustrated if he can't get all the way over. He'll grunt and make a really loud moan if he gets stuck on his side. It is very entertaining!

In other news -

My company has decided all of a sudden to continue to let me pursue training.

What?

yeah. Weird. I guess because they couldn't make financial sense of me working remotely in my current position, they decided they didn't want to loose me afterall. So they've decided to let me finish my training to become a facilitator. I still feel a bit gun-shy about the whole thing but grateful nonetheless that I'll get the chance once again to do what I really love.

And in other other news

I'm now done with nursing. Completely. And also, all that breastmilk that I had stored up in the deep freeze?! OH yeah. They've totally burned through all that.

sigh

I was feeling really guilty about the whole thing until everyone's comments on some of my previous posts on the topic. So THANK YOU for that. Especially the one from my brilliant friend Aleisha about using the atonement to wash away guilt. Not to get all religious on you but Wow. What a novel idea! I am like a new person now (crazy how the atonement does that).

And especially with my new rigorous training schedule redux, there is no way I could continue to do both. I bombed my last training when I tried.

so yeah. There's that.

oh and lastly, I thought I'd include the awesome picture my husband sent me yesterday when I was at work...

far left - grandpa leigh's legs, left/center - charleston, right - whitman: going for a walk 5.1.12

 That is a picture of the boys wrapped in sweat pants. The text read -

"Uh. Forgot blankets. Using some sweat pants instead."

(Sweat pants, I'm sorry to say, that he found in the car that have been there since our trip to the hospital nearly 6 months ago...slightly embarrassing. And also sweat pants that I"m pretty sure Whitman was trying to eat - yuck!)

This reminds me of the time when I was in my father's care as a young girl and he had bought me pants that were too big. We went to the park and they kept falling down. So my dad got into the trunk of his car and found some stiff rope and fashioned a belt with a GIANT bow to tie/hold my pants up. I wish I had a picture of how ridiculous I looked whenever my dad was taking care of me. :)

There is a certain level of control you just have to let go of when a man is the primary care-giver.

On the other hand, they were dressed and he took them for a walk and kept them warm. I give a hearty thumbs up! He really does do an amazingly great job.

That's all I got for now.

Have a great day!

 

we bought a zoo...i mean a car

Its a 2008 Mazda 5. We named him Bullet. He is a sporty little hatchback that also happens to have sliding doors and a third row option... but trust me, he is not a van. Its hard to tell from this picture but when I am standing next to it (me, remember, me as in 5'1") I stand taller than the car. See? Its not a van if I'm taller than it. We will keep the third row folded down most of the time so we can fit the stroller and whatever else in the back, but its handy to have the option of extra seating.

I may or may not have sat in the front seat for a solid 5 min this morning trying to figure out how the key worked. But it was like 6am, so I was probably just tired.

Also I may have driven with the air on even though it was like 30 degrees out.

And I might have unlocked it three times before I figured out how to lock it.

Is this a good time to mention that I have a master's degree?

(sigh)

Anyway, here is a cute and poor quality phone pic of the babes

left - Charleston, right - Whitman (always with fingers in his mouth these days)

The boys are teething. They suck on their fingers and everything else that comes near their mouth. They are surprisingly good-natured about it though. They look so similar in this photo, huh?!

And lastly, here is a cool ad for the Olympics about motherhood that I thought was so sweet...

in love

phone pic taken 6.11

He'd hate that I was posting a picture of him but I'm doing it anyway. It was his birthday yesterday. I won't make it all long and mushy like I have in the past (ahem) but I would just like to say that he is an amazing man and an incredible father and I love him all the more for that.
My husband takes care of our boys during the day when I'm at work and there just aren't a lot of men that could/would handle taking care of newborn twins all on their own all day long. Every month we have a nurse come by to work with the boy's development. She helps ensure that their prematurity doesn't become a hindrance to their development (a free service offered by the state to premature babies...cool, right?). Every month she is completely floored at Doug. She says after 20 years of being in her line of work, she can tell immediately if a parent is doing the developmental exercises that she prescribes each month and sure enough, she can tell that Doug really works with them and is always coming up with innovative ways to help the boys thrive. Its truly touching and inspiring to behold. I seriously think this woman is in love with Doug.

phone pic taken 3.12

But not at much as I am!

His birthday was pretty weak-sauce. I got him a shirt that was too big and a belt that was too small and he ended up making most of his birthday dinner. We ended the night with some hot...baths for our babies. What'd you think I was going to say? :) No candles. No singing. Pretty lame really. Feeling a bit guilty about it still considering all he does for our family...

So if you get a chance, tell this guy happy birthday! I know he'd appreciate it. Sometime I'll get him to post about what its like to be a stay-at-home dad and the self-image challenges that can arise. A hearty happy birthday would really be nice.

ok. Thats all for now. Have a wonderful weekend!

a 'no babies no boobs' post

I was talking to my husband yesterday and he said "you don't write on your blog as much anymore and when you do its all about your boobs"...

woops. Sorry. I guess this blog has been a bit boob and baby-centric.

So I thought I'd list a number of things I've been reading/checking out/digging lately-

First up, here's a new song I'm loving




 I think I've looked at this virtual magazine from School House Electric Co. about 100x

Did you know that its criminal to lie about receiving military honors? Its being reviewed by the court on claims that its a violation of free speech. Interesting, no? You can read about it here.

Here are my weekly feminist articles -

This is a great discussion about whether the economy is sexist. Are women really receiving less wages and are they more or less affected by the market? An interesting debate to be sure.

This is a study about women and global peace, a topic I frequently follow. Did you know that nations where women are economically empowered are far less likely to be a nation that suffers from violence? Further, nations who have women present and with legitimate pull at peace negotiations are proven to have greater sustainability and success of peace plans. This is so much the case, that the United Nations founded a program called Empowering Women in 2009 to equip women with market share in order to subsequently affect the rate of violence in third world countries. Cool, right?

And a couple of less cerebral pieces -

Now that I am working full time, I skip my lunch hour so I can get home an hour earlier and see all my men (see I didn't say babies because this post isn't about babies... also just ignore that I wrote any variation of babies now 3x). HERE are ideas for five healthy lunches that I'm going to try out just as soon as I get to the grocery store.

And lastly, we are starting to look at cheap rental places in Austin. Wah wah. I was getting pretty bummed about going from our fabulous home back to a rental and went looking for something to cheer me up. I found THIS article here that shows 10 ideas for dressing up a rental. Hopefully we'll be able to use some of these ideas and help our little rental feel like a nice home...hopefully.

So there you go.

Ok.

Maybe just one baby thing? Did you know American Eagle has a baby line? Did you know Ralph Lauren does too? I'm always on the prowl for cute baby boy clothes (way harder to find than cute girl clothes, in my opinion). My current staples are GAP Baby, of course, and H&M. I check out Zulily occasionally too but have yet to buy anything from them.

Ok. Now I'm done.

Have a great day!