Little boat on a big sea

The thing is, if you keep changing the final destination, it makes it hard to know where to steer the boat. You know? I've been talking for the last two weeks or so about goals. I am a big goal fanatic. I think about them alot and I do my best to make ones that stretch me but that are attainable. I write them down and I review them weekly. I get alot accomplished because I have serious goals. I tell people that the first step when making goals is to think about where you want to go, what you want to do, and who you want to be. These are big questions. They require a ton of thought and even then, it changes. Today I'm feeling like the problem with being a multi-faceted person (if I may be so presumptious as to state that I am- or at the very least strive to be) is that its difficult not to be overwhelmed by the multitude of options. Why can't we just try other people's lives on for a few days and see what we think? Do you remember job shadow day as a school kid? I went to work with my father a few times and with my stepfather a few times. And while I realized that I wasn't interested in either the military or being an airconditioner salesman, I at least had the opportunity to discover the things I didn't want to do. It feels like now that you have to commit before you even really get a good idea of what you like. Right now I feel like I'm just hoping that I'm on the right path to the thing that I think I want to do. I hope its the right path and that I actually enjoy the destination.

master bath before and after

This is the first of a number of posts I'll be doing on before and afters of our home. Over the past two years we have done many many projects on our house and its become quite lovely in my humble opinion. Anyway, heres our most recent project- our bathroom. I forgot to take pictures before the tile was laid and when the old vanity and laminate were in. Ah well.

and after

snip snip

Hmmmm Its Friday afternoon and I've finished all of my work for the week. Now I'm thinking about hair cuts. I think I want to go super short again. Oh how I'd love to look like this

Isn't she just the perfect. I adore Miss Tautou.

and Ron Marvin the Martian

Let me just say I would wait in line in the cold in the dark by myself to get his book if he had one. RON MARVIN. He is probably one of the more amazing designers you've never heard of before. I love how he mixes masculine and feminine design, glam and utility. Most of all, I love the timeless appeal of his designs. If you look at spaces he created ten years ago, well you'd be amazed they don't look dated. Its easy to get caught up in trends and think "oh this lovely plaster deer head will be a keepsake and I'll have it forever" ...um, but no. Anyway, lets check out some of his spaces shall we?

homemade books

Not the best pictures in the world but some photos of one of the books I made. This was one I made for my neice we call boo.

Oh yeah

So turns out a 20-page paper nearly killed me. What was that yesterday? Re-evaluating everything in my entire life? Yeah, crazy stress case. Ha. Sorry about that. I was talking to my sweet husband about it and he kindly reminded me that I'm a perfectionist and I love LOVE beautiful things. Why an awesome photo of my cat from a friend? Because its fabulous and I enjoy looking at it (and part of me indentifies with being the crazy old cat lady). Why have my graphic design friend make the invitations? Because I love seeing the girls faces light up when they see the invite. Some of them keep the invites because they are so lovely! Why spend hours making ridiculous kids books? Because I LOVE my neices and nephews and love to see them happy and feel special. Granted there are a few things that I probably am a bit overboard on (the inside of cabinets looking photographable? really?) but generally I do things because they bring me joy.

I took photos of one of the books I made and will post them tonight or tomorrow but for now, lets be content looking at the random photo above that I quite enjoy.

inside

I am in a weird mood today. I feel a bit like I'm drowning but like its an out-of-body drowning experience, where I'm watching my body slowly drift down from the surface. Maybe its the weight of the 20 page paper I need to finish today. Maybe its my job or my church service or Christmas or my giant neverending to-do list. Why do I do all these things? Sometimes I look around at all the things in my life and think, how in the world did I get here? The amount of self-imposed craziness... shouldn't I know better? I make up all these things in my head like,

I should only weigh 105lbs (I'm only 5'0 afterall) - so I worry about what I eat and feel bad about not having time to run anymore.

I should be the best aunt ever and I need to give meaningful gifts for Christmas - so I'm making individual books for each of my neices and nephews with stories and illustrations all by me about them.

I should get my masters so I can think I'm accomplished - so I'm busting my butt in a degree I find interesting. Interesting. yup.

I should work full time and have a good respectable title - so I work hard to get a promotion to a job that I'm not even sure I really want. Project Manager. Thats me. Call me PM. Not 'just' a specialist anymore.

I should serve God with all my heart and do good for others - so I cook Sunday dinner every week and have others over who 'need' a place to go. I am in charge of the teenage girls in our church 12-18 and try to do everything in my power to make them happy and entertained and get something spiritual as well and know that I love them (which I do, truly) twice or 3x a week.

I should have an amazing house - so I spend hours cleaning, decorating, picking up, remodeling, whatever so that each place in my house could be photographable. Every place. Inside cabinets and closets and in every room and our cellar. Take a photo. Go ahead. Its perfect.

I should make everything look amazing - I don't just wrap presents I spend time combining the right paper with the right ribbon and tag and coordinating it with the other presents that will go to that family. They look amazing. Not just gifts though, anything. Picture of my cat - not done by me but my an actual photographer friend because my handiwork won't do. An invitation for a girls outing, not by me but by my friend the graphic designer. They're beautiful and I would expect nothing less if its going to be coming from my hand to yours.

I should look good for Doug or my girlfriends or coworkers - so I worry about my thin hair and imperfect skin and I fuss over stretch marks and static and cat hair. I read about how to be pretty so I can be 'beautiful'.

Who made up all these rules? Me. I've got to be the best I can be, right? ...drowning...

my cat Patches (photo courtesy of Scott Myler)