some serious some funny

(This picture had nothing to do with anything. I just like it. It makes me wish I could keep plants alive. It also makes me wish it wasn't totally tacky to keep fake plants in the kitchen window. Cuz I would do it. I'd even put real dirt in the pot to make it look real. I'm tricky like that....if I had fake plants I would be anyway...)


A brief follow up:
Miscarriage is hard and weird. It also bothers me that its so taboo. Its been a difficult thing but I had so much support that I was all but forced to be okay through it all. I've also experience real and deep and serious heartache when I placed my daughter for adoption years ago. I hope I will never go through as much pain as I did during that experience. Losing a fetus is difficult but handing your beautiful new born baby to someone else is a pain that nearly kills. And to this day it simultaneously causes me the most joy and the most pain that I experience in my life. So maybe God knew I could get through this experience and that I would learn something from it. If nothing else, every loss I ever feel makes me appreciate that much more God's sacrifice of His son Jesus Christ. We always focus on Christ's sacrifice, but God's sacrifice (John 3:16) to me, at times, feels even greater.

Anyway, that is all a little heavy and its Friday for goodness sakes! So lets switch gears.

Shakin' it off.

OK. Good?

Here are some funny Friday things for you (lots of which are cat things because I'm slowly becoming the creepy old cat lady) :


get it? cat in a cat box? hahahahaha

I don't care what you say, I don' think its photoshopped. I think its a genius cat.



a video that always makes me laugh


a lie that my husband sent me a little while ago


another funny but wrong thing my husband sent me a while ago (little hard to see but try - its worth it)


and

my personal favorite







Have a great weekend! I love you all very much and I appreciate your helpful comments!

whirly winds and roller coasters

(warning this is going to be a long post- I'm just feeling it today)

Well its been a whirl wind since I posted last. I'm a little overwhelmed at how well things are going right now. Sometimes I'm confused at blessings. Does that ever happen to you? Where you ask yourself, Gosh - what in the world did I do to get this? And you realize its just that we have a gracious God. That's how I'm feeling.

So it happened like this:
In December we visited family in Texas. We got back late on a Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning I discovered I was pregnant. Yeah. Pregnant with a "P". All day I was in a state of shock and I hardly knew what to do with myself. Doug got home and I wrapped up the test and gave it to him as a belated Christmas present. We cried and sat on the floor in the kitchen and talked for hours about how scared we were. The next morning I was bleeding very badly. I wasn't sure how much blood was normal for implantation bleeding so I went in to the midwife clinic. They confirmed I was pregnant and then had me go over to the hospital to get an ultrasound. They couldn't find anything so they told me I had probably miscarried. I was very sad and though I hadn't gotten to the point where I was truly excited about the pregnancy, or had pictured the baby or clothes or names or any of that, I still felt sad. Then on our way home they called and said I had to come back immediately.

I had an ectopic pregnancy outside of the uterus. They did a bunch of tests and discovered that my HCG levels were low enough that my body was getting rid of the fetus on its own. So I went back every other day to get tests done to confirm that my hcg levels were going down and the fetus was being expelled by my body. Sunday of that week was the biggest drop in HCG and I could feel it hormonally. I couldn't stop crying. I only lasted an hour at church. I didn't want the girls that I oversee to see me like that so I left.

Doug was such a champion throughout it all. I was incredibly sad and everything seemed to remind me that I was a failure at making a baby. We went to WalMart one night and the cashier, with bra straps hanging down past each shoulder, told me all about having babies and how when I have a baby this and that and pregnancy this and my first baby and my sixth baby and I just started to cry. Doug just gave me a giant hug and held me as I cried in the car. I do not struggle with fertility and this was just sort of a fluke thing, but I felt for weeks one small iota of what it might feel like to struggle with that. Let me tell you- it sucked. I have an empathy I never had before for women with fertility challenges. It changed my perspective about how I will talk about motherhood and pregnancy in the future.

The new year began and I went back to work. Shortly after that the semester started back up. And while I struggled to decide on whether to pursue having a family to fill the void I was feeling from the miscarriage, my career sorta took off. I feel like I received blessing after blessing. I had a meeting with the one of the founders of my company, the CEO and the Executive VP where I presented my career plan for the next one, five, and ten years. And you know what? Rather than laugh at it, they actually embraced it wholeheartedly.

Friends, we are talking huge things! My pie-in-the-sky 10 year plan involves me becoming the executive director of Influencer Institute, the non-profit that the founders of my company have asked me to help get off the ground (and which I'm currently spending most of my waking hours working on). Let me explain further - Influencer Institute is a non-profit dedicated to solving a variety of difficult social issues by applying smart and strategic six source social influence theories to complex problems. Think the Gates Foundation but with a scientific model to attack social conundrums. This means essentially I receive about five million dollars (to start) to go strategically solve whatever problems me and the founders choose. Are you kidding me? Imagine someone telling you, I'm going to give you a starting budget of 5 million dollars and some of the smartest people on the planet to go solve some key social dilemmas. I feel a little like I get to be the President of the US but without all the political hula hoops.

But it still leaves me in a rough spot with lots of un-answered questions. Like:
When do we start a family?
Is it irresponsible to get pregnant shortly after starting a new position?
How are we going to make my career aspirations work with a family?
How are we going to make my career aspirations and my husband's career aspirations both work?
How am I going to make this all work when we move out of the state?
What if I have another ectopic pregnancy?
Should I feel guilty that I wasn't totally ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant?
Can I have an incredible career getting to do exactly what I want and still have an incredible marriage and fabulous children?

Hopefully I'm not putting the cart before the horse. A large part of my big 10 year plan is the first step, which involves me getting a job that I haven't been offered yet and which I'm mostly unqualified for (but am totally perfect for). The up and ups are all for me getting that position but they actually don't make the decision (though I think they will try to influence it a bit in my favor). There is a woman who is not my biggest fan who makes the final decision. So lets all pray that she gives me a stamp of approval. I have a meeting on Friday but ultimately my 'audition' if you will, will be next Friday on the 4th. I will likely find out a few weeks after that.

So

Thats my life right now. Any words of wisdom for me besides hold on to my dang hat?

sharing is caring

Just a few quick things to share today that I'm diggin' ...liiike this random picture of an old man from the sartorialist that I stole years ago because I have a strange affinity with old men...not in a weird creepy way. I'd like to think its in a sweet, admiring, and curious way perhaps - hence why I always try to dress like them. (Case in point - I own suspenders, flannel shirts, and polyester pants.)

funny side note -
One time my company was recording a video to send to one of our presenters to tell them how much we love them because they have a hard job being on the road all the time. They asked me to say a few words about my favorite presenter who was an old man named Stacy. I told them a story about how great he was and then mentioned how I have a crush on him. I meant that I had an old man crush on him but I couldn't really say that because maybe its rude to call him old. I felt myself digging my own hole and as I was on camera I tried my best to roll with it. Sooo when his team saw the tape they thought it was so funny that they kept it in and Stacy apparently got pretty embarrassed (as any cute old man would) and was super awkward around me for years. I think he thought I was trying to get all up in that. ew. gross. Anyway, for nearly 4 years my team and the training team have made fun of me about my old man fetish. Moral of the story - its okay to have secret crushes on old men but never non-secret crushes on old men. Also you have to be quite explicit about what 'crush' means. Just an fyi.

First, check out this cool new series by the BBC called Human Planet. Cooool!




Second, listen to these two songs that I love by Mumford and Sons (who I've got on repeat most days of my life right now)

this one -



and this one -



ok and I love this one too but it drops the f*** bomb so be prepared if you've got virgin ears. i think there is a version they did for a late night show that is a made for network tv with no cursin'...




Lastly, my work puts out a weekly newsletter where people write in and one of the authors addresses their question using principles we teach through our content. This week's was about career advancement and I think its good and worthy of sharing. You can check it out here if you're interested.

Hope you all are having a fabulous Wednesday. I have a presidency meeting tonight with three women that I love to death. I hate meetings generally but I actually look forward to this one. They are so great to work alongside. Woohoo for awesome people!

pretty friday

Well its been a long week. I feel a bit tired. I'm trying to wind down from the stress of the week so I can enjoy this weekend from the moment it starts. I'm using this song to help me -





I think it is a beautiful song and a beautiful video.

And if you want to read a cool article about a photographer and a baby whale, check this out.

Lastly, I've been having a hard time explaining why I love where I work and who I work for. Just about every week one of the authors/founders of the company I work for has an article published. Much of the time I don't even check them out, but I decided to look at one of them from this week. Its not an award winning article or anything but I think its good nonetheless. And when I get to show people that these people, these great 'think tank' men, are the people I get to learn from and work for - well I just feel so happy about it. If you want to read a short article about influence by Joseph Grenny, you can check it out here.
I think I will post things from work more often. Not because I'm trying to sell anyone on anything, but because I use this blog as a sort of reflection of myself and my work is so much a part of who I am now.

Have a good weekend everyone.

winter wonderland

On Saturday Doug and I went snow shoeing. Look at me crossing off 2 of my 30 before thirty goals within 2 days of each other. Woot! (I had a goal for us to do some sort of snow activity while we live in Utah). Its amazing we've lived here for this long and we've mostly tried to ignore the snow. We had a fabulous time! It was so beautiful. Our dear friend Brandon took us. We only hiked a few miles but it felt like we hiked twenty. I wasn't prepared for how physically exhausting it was going to be. Here are some pictures of our adventure -

getting started (check out my cool look-sorta-like-jeans-snowpants!)

what a studly snowshoe guy (Doug here below, but Brandon above is studly too)

This is where the road ends and the snowshoeing begins. This road actually goes through those trees up to Cascade Springs and Timpanogos Cave (both places we went to this past summer) but they only plow it to this point.


All of that snow is from plowing the road but the snow depth on the trail is level with what you can see here.
and off we go

me and doug snowshoeing under a tree in the ravine

we took a short break at the first lookout so I could eat some string cheese :)

brandon squinting into the sun and me pretending to be a teapot or something strange as usual

not a bad view though, eh?


Hope you all had a fabulous weekend too!

fabulous day

So I'm having a freaking fabulous day. I've had some pretty crappy days lately so I think a really good one must've been in order.
I got a raise. I am going to making a decent salary this year and in fact (I'm going to make more than my husband). I know that is totally shallow and ridiculous to compare and its OUR money so who cares, but the feminist in me is seriously jumping out of my pants (sorry love - you're still the man! ;) ). Also its not much more than him and I have a graduate degree this year so theres that, but whatever. Lets celebrate when we can, right? I've also got a respectable title (Project Manager - I was a project coordinator before) and thus I'm going to cross off goal #2 on my thirty before 30 list which was to earn a respectable title and pay. The title thing is totally subjective but somehow I feel like I've hit a milestone. WOOT!
Also - beyond getting a raise I totally rocked in three different meetings today. I came prepared and had data to back up some serious suggestions and process improvements and they were all adopted. They were also attended by the big boys (c-suite and board members) and I am just thrilled that I was listened to, taken seriously, and my solutions were actually implemented. I solved some big problems today and I LOVE that I was able to do that.
Lastly - I had a big meeting with my boss and he let me know that with this degree and with me letting him know that I likely won't be in Provo forever, my boss informed me that other departments are biting at the chomp to have me move into some more challenging positions. I really had no idea that others had an interest in me. Most impressive, my boss said that I should consider every opportunity and that some of them are likely a better choice for me long term than what he can offer me. He set up a meeting with him, my VP, our CEO, and two board members, so that they can present me with options and opportunities. I couldn't believe he would do this for me (or that there were so many options for me). I know this comes at a high cost to him but he said he was more interested in doing what was right for me and keeping me at the company than keeping me working under him. Have I ever told you how much I LOVE my boss? He really is amazing and a joy to work for.
I know this all means that some tough decisions are ahead of me. I feel like I love so many things that its hard for me to choose ( I know, I know, rough life right?). But I just feel so happy to be so valued and appreciated. I feel so blessed to have such a fabulous job and a wonderful company to work for. My boss talked to me a little bit about some of the opportunities that he's heard about for me. He mentioned joining the authors of our books and to help conduct research for our studies and future books. He mentioned doing consulting for government clients. He mentioned becoming a trainer. He mentioned moving into a full blown management role in my current department by the end of the year. These all seem like such fabulous opportunities! I kinda want to do all of them. I just love this company so much and except for 1 or 2 people, I really love just about everyone at this company. Amazing right? I feel like I hit the jackpot.
Anyway, I hope this doesn't come off as bragging. I just wanted to share my joys like I often share my sorrows. When decision time rolls around, I'll be seeking any wisdom you all have to offer. In the meantime though, lets celebrate together!

onward and upward

I've spent the last few days in and out of the hospital. I'm not ready to talk about it yet but I'm fine. It was a weird end to the year except for this little nugget that I learned - when I needed him, he was all there. People use their blogs for all sorts of things and so much of the time its like some weird cyber-trophy place where everyone can brag about life and their kids and whatever else. I'm not here to do that (but maybe I will when I have more to brag about?!) I do want to say, however, that my husband has been absolutely incredible to me and I don't know if I could have made it through these last few heart-wrenching days of the year, let alone the rest of the year, without him. I feel like he wrapped me in this giant, comfortable cocoon of love and it saved me from all of the pain I could've felt. I just truly love that man.
SO
I'm not much for looking back. Its always 'onward and upward' with me, so let me just say that 2010 was a mostly great year. Work was good. School was challenging. Europe was fabulous. Spring, Summer, Fall were eventful and lovely. Church was busy. But most importantly, I think I've improved ever so slightly from this time last year. That's always the ultimate goal. Get better every year.
AND
2011 has a lot to offer. As you probably know I'm a goal junkie. Doug and I wrote down our goals last night and we have a combined total of about 60 goals. :) We separate them out into categories (when I say 'we' I mean "I" make the categories and I make Doug write them down). We have financial goals, spiritual goals, personal, physical, house project goals, etc. They are well thought out and very specific. I don't make goals for goal's sake. I don't write down things that I know will be easily crossed off (those are to-do lists and those are different). So here are some that I can remember -
1. Graduate in May with honors
2. learn how to use my sewing machine over the summer
3. get certified to train CC1 program at my work
4. sell green car/ buy new car
5. buy beginners Chinese language program
6. begin process for 2nd cd

There are many more obviously. We have around 15 - 20 house project goals. We have a bunch of spiritual goals like "read scriptures together as a couple on Sunday mornings". We are aiming to do another Europe trip (shorter one though - 2 weeks) as well as a trip to the east coast in the fall, driving the Appalachian Trail.
So yeah, 2011 should be pretty fabulous.
First up, though, is graduation.
123 days and counting.